I awoke this morning to all of the stress that I have upon me.  My job has gotten to be too much.  The notes have become my hinderance and my tendency to detail with patient’s has become overbearing.  I also have the massage business, the grooming and the house.  I have no time for myself.  I know I am coming off of a strange week and that doesn’t help.  I am good at therapy, yet I don’t have what it takes to do the notes and drive everywhere.  I really don’t know what I am going to do.  I can’t keep up with the pace on my life.  

This morning I have been thinking what really makes me happy.  What is wrong with what I do.  It is time I really find out what I need to do.  I believe in you.  I believe my answers are in you.  If the answers are not in you then life is not worth living to begin with.  I am losing it Father.  I need you now.  I need you to turn the water into wine.  I can’t go on this way.  I think it is time I allow myself to be who I am.  I am tired of being everything to everyone but me.  Speak to me.  Give others the words to say to me.  I have pretty much given up my life for others and that is not a complaint.  I have tried to be everything I could for everyone else.  I need some fulfillment.  I need to be Charles Edward.  The time is now.  I get up every morning and ask for direction only to find myself in a rut.  It is time to change vehicles.  I need relief from the storm.  Everyone has an opinion.  Job’s friends showed me that.  There is only one that has the answers and that is you.  You have never failed me.  Though people come against me, you kept me standing.  I have always been a loner.  Since I was a child, I have been protecting everyone even if it caused me pain.  You allowed me to go thru the desert and you kept me under your hand.  I learned to deal with things on my own because there was no one strong enough to help me thru.  I keep hearing from the widows that you gave me to help that I am different.  I have learned to embrace that.  I am different because I have learned how to smile and leave myself behind to give others what they need.  I don’t wish to quit helping others, but I do want some relief.  I have been given so many talents that surely one of them can provide me with a living and be able to sustain my home.  My greatest gift that I have been given is the ability to talk with you and to hear you.  I have been so long protecting people and myself that I don’t know how to stop.  You put me in this place and this time for a reason.  You did not place me to fail.  You and I have a special relationship that few people have.  I have no doubt of this.  I know others would disagree, but I know who I am in you.  I know that the time is now to change my direction.  Am I afraid?  Yes, I am human.  You have allowed me to go thru trials that most would not understand, yet I never let go of your hand, or you never let go of mine.  I think it is time I learn how to fly.  My grip is weakening.  It is either fall or fly.  I am asking you to help me fly