Dreams Really Do Come True Journal Page

Good Morning Father,

I awoke at 3:30 a.m. with my headache. I haven’t had one in a long time. This one is one of the bad ones. I have way too much stress. The one good thing is I know when I awake like this, you seem to talk to me more, or I listen more.

You know things at work have been bad this week. I really don’t see it getting fixed. I have been waiting for you to move me; but Father, I don’t see a path anywhere. Sometimes this faith thing is really hard to deal with. I want so much in life. I want to help people. I want to be able to make a living. I don’t want to look back and be disappointed. More than that, I don’t want you to be disappointed. I know the best path is one that I create. I am so afraid to take a step.

In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Luke 1:26-28 NIV

We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.

May Sarton

It was a chilly day in late December. The air was crisp. The sun was shining. The wind had stilled itself. It was a sad day for me. I had just come from the graveyard where I had been a pallbearer at a funeral I did not ever want to see. I had been asked to perform the eulogy of Miss Clara. She had lived to be almost one hundred years old. I had left the gravesite and was drawn back to her house where I opened the rickety gate that led to the little old house that she lived in for most of her life. I made my way upon the porch and took my place in the swing and just sat. I looked over at the rocking chair where she had been every time I came to her house. I wanted her to be there. I wanted to hear, “Hey Butch!” I wanted to hear, “Why’s that head of yours hanging so low?” This time it was just me. There was no Miss Clara. There was no Sweetheart cookies or little bottle of Coke. Time and life had separated us since I graduated college and moved away from the small little town, but I always had a comfort knowing that she was there.

As i sat in the swing, I found a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. Oh the lessons I learned on this porch. I thought to myself, “Miss Clara, you were like my angel sent from heaven to guide me and love me. You were my peace on Earth.” So many times I had come to this porch with my head hanging low, only to leave with my head up and a skip in my step. Miss Clara never went to school. She never had the privilege of an education, but somehow she was the greatest teacher I had ever had.

I changed my position and laid on the swing and closed my eyes thinking of how much this porch had played a part in my life. The memories were vast and there was not a bad one in the bunch. This would be the last time I sat on this porch. There would never be another story. There would never be another, “Hey Butch!” There would never be another Miss Clara. I began to talk to God as Miss Clara had always taught me to do. “Father, i don’t know how to thank you for sending this Lady into my life. You knew just what I needed. You spoke through her in ways that I could understand. Through her, you gave me hope. You, through her, made me into a better person. Thank you Father.”

As I laid on the swing, I could almost hear a choir singing. It almost sounded like a party, yet it was like I had always imagined that a church would sound like if everyone sang with their heart. I wanted to open my eyes, yet I knew the choir would suddenly stop. As I laid and listened, I could almost put in a request and the choir would sing the song I had selected.

Suddenly I heard Miss Clara’s voice. “Hey Butch! Greetings you who are highly favored!”

I opened my eyes and there was Miss Clara. I closed my eyes as tight as I could close them, “Wake up Chuck! You are dreaming,” I said to myself.

“Hey Butch!” I heard Miss Clara repeat.

I opened up my eyes and sat on the swing. It was her, yet I knew it couldn’t be. Sitting in the rocking chair was Miss Clara, smiling at me bigger than I had ever seen her smile. “What’s you doing on the porch?”

I didn’t speak. I shut my eyes and tried to get up. It was almost like I was Velcroed to the swing. Miss Clara giggled.

“What’s wrongs with you today? Cat’s gots your tongue?” She giggled again.

I opened up my eyes and she was still there. “Is you going to talks to me or nots?” she asked.

I looked at her squarely and without thought firmly replied, “Nots!”

She snickered and said, “That’s fines. Yous can listens then.”

She began to rock back and forth in her rocking chair. “Butch! I hads a good life. One of the best parts of my life was yous. There was lots of times whens I thoughts, ‘What goods is I doing. Whys don’t God just takes me home? I ain’ts no use to anybody.’ Honey childs! I just gots all my questions answered. I’s so glads that God was in controls instead of me.”

I sat on the swing still unmovable and unable to speak.

Miss Clara said, “Looks at me child.”

I thought, “What are you talking about? I can’t do anything but look.”

“I was at the grandest party yous has ever seen. I looked down heres and theres you was sittings on my porch. I wents to the Father and said, ‘Do you minds if I goes to see Butch. He must needs me. He’s on my porch and I has always been there whens he needs me.’ So heres I is. Nows that I lefts that party, don’ts you think yous ought to talks to me?” she chuckled. “Dos you know how longs it’s been since I beens to a party?”

My mouth slowly began to work. “Miss Clara. You are dead. You are not supposed to talk to me. They put people in the nut house because of stuff like this.”

Miss Clara began laughing. She laughed for almost a solid minute. “Butch, I ain’ts dead. I just ain’ts got no rickety old body to puts up with.” She got up out of her chair and walked over to me and said, “Scoots over. I wants to swing with yous.” I scooted over as the Velcro seemed to loosen. I thought to myself, “OK Butch run!”, but there was something in me that wanted to stay.

Miss Clara took my hand. I looked and the arthritis ridden hand was no longer crippled. The hand that was holding mine was that of a child, yet had the strength and wisdom of an old lady. I looked at the lady sitting next to me wasn’t a lady, but a young girl. It was Miss Clara, yet it wasn’t the Miss Clara that I had known. She looked at me an grinned.

I took a deep breath thinking, “This has to be a dream.”

Miss Clara looked at me and said, “Yous ain’t dreaming Butch.”

I looked away from her and just stared forward.

She squeezed my hand and looked forward staring in the same direction I was. “Butch. I just wants to thanks you. You was my friend when an old lady needed a friend. Yous listened to my tales and ats the same time gave me reasons to thinks I was needed. I’s didn’t understands life as much as yous thought I did, but you always believed. That’s rare Butch. You’s always understood the story. You’s always thoughts I hads the answers.”

I grinned and said, “You did. I knew where I could go when life didn’t seem fair. I always had a place to lay down my burdens and pick up a little peace at the same time. Miss Clara, you were my angel sent from the Father. He knew I needed you. You always provided.”

She teared up and said, “I wasn’t no angel.”

I retorted, “Maybe you were and we just don’t understand what angels are.”

“Maybe you’s right Butch. Maybe you’s not. I guess it all comes down to what you is willing to believe.”

“I wants you to come in the house Butch. I gots one more thing I wants to show you.” She took me by the hand and led me to the old crackled paint door. She knocked three times and the door opened. There was a great light. It was so bright that it almost blinded me. It wasn’t a light that I had ever seen, yet it seemed familiar. It was warm and somehow the most beautiful thing I could never imagine.

I looked at Miss Clara and she smiled. I want to give you the best Christmas present you will ever get. Out of the light stepped Granny. She looked at me and just smiled. She walked up to me and gave me a hug and somehow just melted into me. Behind her was Mamaw Boots. She pinched me on the cheek and smiled. She wrapped her arms around me and then as did Granny, she seemed to melt into me. One by one people stepped out of the light... Aunt Reba, Paw, Aunt Peggy, Thelma, Charlie, Basil, Margie Pearl, Betty Jo, Roberta, Hattie, Rachael... the people kept coming. Each one would hug me and dissolve into me. There were people I had never met... Ernest, Lotta Mae, Rueben. Each person seemed to be missing something, yet they were more whole than I had ever known them to be. I looked and the line seemed to never end. Suddenly thru the light ran a whole bunch of little dogs led by Maj. Each jumped and as they touched me, they too melted into me. I do not ever remember being this happy in my whole life.

Miss Clara looked at me and said, “We have to go back on the porch Butch. There will be time for this later.”

I looked at her with dread.

She led me back to the swing. “Butch, I wants you to keep being the man that you are. Don’ts you ever quits hearing or seeing.”

I knew in my heart that she was about to leave. She looked at me with a grin and a small tear in her eye.

“Butch, I cames here today to let you know that anytimes you needs me, all yous have to do is close your eyes and sits on my porch in your minds. I will bes right here. Insides of you, is something greater than life. You is made up of a whole lots of good people. You is made of love. You is in this world, but yous is not of this world. The enemy wills try to destroy you. That is his jobs. You stand. Yous stand strong. Does you hear me?”

I smiled and nodded my head.

“Life is not as longs as you thinks. It is short. You remember whos you is. You is a whole lot mores than just Butch. You thinks on these things. You is highly favored.”

I looked at Miss Clara and said, “Will you tell everyone that I love them?”

She looked back at me and said, “You’s tell them.” She pointed her finger at me and said, “Theys all right there.”

She smiled and said, “Gives me a hug Butch. You calls on me anytimes you needs to talks.” She looked at me square in the eyes and said, “Thank yous Butch! Always knows Miss Clara loves you.” I hugged her and she melted within me.

I closed my eyes, and listened. The choir was singing. I heard each voice as though it was the only one, yet all of the voices were one. I heard my angels singing and it was a joyful noise.

I don’t quite understand it all to this day. I don’t know if I was dreaming or it was real. It really doesn’t matter as long as I believe. That day changed my life. I feel like I got a glimpse of heaven. I feel like I have on earth, a piece of heaven.

I am not just Charles Edward. I am not just Butch. I am a piece of everyone who has made me. In everyone, there is somehow a piece of me.

Luke 2:13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Merry Christmas! I hope you find within you peace and I pray you find favor in 2014!

Charles Edward